There are so many reasons Meg and I are friends, too many to list. But one thing that runs deep for us is the shared loss of a close friend. For Meg, the loss came when she was young, just starting her adult life. For me, it came two years ago, close to the mid point of mine.

I met Cara 23 years ago when we were both 17. We met the first day of college; we were assigned rooms down the hall from each other. We were both from NY, transplanted to a tiny town in Ohio. Cara was elegant even then . . . she was tall, leggy, and tan from spending the summer at Squam Lake. She quickly became known for her fabulous wardrobe, her great joy for life and her mother’s outstanding care packages. I am quite sure that Cara was the only student in Kenyon’s history to feast on fine cheeses, meats, decadent chocolate and other delicacies upon returning from a late night party.

Cara taught me many lessons about friendship . . . lessons I am still trying to master. Cara was the least judgmental person I have ever known. Don’t get me wrong, she could be opinionated and bossy and lord knows I got some pretty strange looks about clothes I wore but she never judged her friends. Cara supported her friends though the good and bad choices. She was compassionate and empathetic. She never claimed to know better, she just supported you. She would give advice when asked, but was always satisfied to listen. When I think about Cara and my twenty years with her I think about her love. I have this overwhelming memory of feeling unconditionally loved by her and her friendship. No matter what I did or what mistakes I made, we would be friends.

I have a picture of the two of us the day we graduated from college. It sits on my desk at the meG + aLi studio. She is towering over me and has her arms around me. I am looking away, slightly confused. Cara is looking straight at the camera, smiling, totally grounded in the moment, holding me steady.

Today would have been Cara's fortieth birthday. Because our birthdays are just six days apart we often celebrated together. I imagine if she were here now we would be together on this milestone . . . mostly staring incredulously at each other . . . wondering how we got here. . . amazed at how many things change . . . and even more amazed at how many things stay the same.

I miss you all the time Cara. Happy Birthday.